Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never  to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

I typed this and thought I was at the point where I believed this, but really, I don't think it's true. At least not yet. Because the way I see it, you love with all your heart, and when that love is gone, you don't feel better knowing you had it. It just hurts and it hurts deeply because it's gone.

On June 18th, I had to have my little dog put to sleep. She just turned 2 years old on June 5th and shortly after her 2nd year, her life had to come to an end.  I'm crying right now as I type this so I know it's too early for me to feel okay about this and I picture a fork stuck in Alfred's eye.

When I do feel the best after all this happened, though, is when I think about something she did or used to do every day that made me smile, and I'm finding that some times, it will bring a smile to my face. Not a joyful smile, mind you, but a smile filled with sadness from missing my little friend so. It's the memories that will help with the healing...

I remember the first time I saw her. I laughed because she looked like a white, fluffy Muppet who acted like Tigger, and that's how I described her to my kids. I knew instantly that this little bundle of energy would be a great addition to our family because she would get along just fine with my kids.  We had our moments with potty training (here's one!) but that's normal with a puppy.  She was such a smart little dog, though, and learned quickly. So much so, in less than 24 hours, she learned how to ring a bell on the door to go outside and go! I was so proud of her.  She even learned to ring the bell when she knew the neighbor's dog was outside and she wanted to play! I think she was a little too smart.

She was amazing.  And she's missed. And it hurts. And I don't feel better right now. Tennyson, you are not right yet.  But hopefully, someday, I'll be able to share a happy story and feel better because I did love her, I know she loved me unconditionally and I'm a better person because of it. Pictures will help, and I'm so thankful we have them.  But I'm not quite ready to create her final album just yet.  It's exactly one month today that she's been gone, so that album will have to be some day later when I agree with Alfred Lord Tennyson.

Rest in peace, Sadie. You are loved, you will always be loved and you will always be missed.