A New Focus

On Tuesday, I will celebrate my 42nd year of life.  It's a bitter sweet day for me, because as of late, I've been doing a lot of personal reflection.  One area in my life in which I have been less-than-stellar is...oh shoot.  Who am I kidding?  I haven't just been "less than", I've been downright void on my path to good health and wellness.  Don't get me wrong.  I take my Shaklee vitamins every day, but it's choosing to eat healthy and choosing to exercise where I fail miserably.

I've been trying to figure out the "whys" in my life like, "Why don't I exercise even though I know how important it is?"  Or "Why do I eat to the point of over-stuffing myself knowing that it's unhealthy and bad for me?"  I've been discerning this for some time and have come to many conclusions:

1.  I love my Mom more than life, and I know she loves me.  But she has not been a good example for me in regards to health and well-being.  She cooks large amounts of delicious food slathered in rich sauces, gravies and butter.  She serves meals that could feed a small army when in fact, it's only about 12 of us.  And we eat it all because she gets hurt if we don't.

2.  All the years I was growing up, she has continuously been trying to lose weight.  But what would I see?  When she was stressed, she turned to food to console herself and make herself feel better by eating it all.  So that's what I did/do, too.

3.  She told me that "we" do not have the types of bodies to be skinny.  We'll always look like this as it's what we're destined to be like.

4.  And I believed her.  (Please note:  I will not hold this all against her, though, because she is my Mom and I love her to pieces!)

But haven't we learned that it is always mind over matter?  That if I believe it, it will be?  For years I have believed I can be no better than this, but today, I will choose to believe that I CAN be healthy, I CAN be fit and I CAN lose weight.  And I will choose to listen to only positivity and ignore any negativity that befalls me.

I accept that I and I alone let myself get to this point in my life and I will not blame anyone for my body, but I am choosing to make changes that will set me on the path to health and wellness because I deserve it, I'm worth it and most importantly because my children deserve it and are worth it.  I need to be a good example for them and I want to be around to celebrate many more birthdays with my children.

And my journey begins tomorrow as it's the start of a new week and the beginning of my new, healthy life.  I will weigh myself, take measurements and get pictures taken (ouch) that I will share here as part of my therapy.  I realize it's not just what's on the outside that matters.  It will also be an "inside" life style change in which I will change my 42-years of thought processes and thinking so that I may hopefully have 50+ more years of life that's full of health and well-being!   And I will share my ups and downs here as I am not perfect and will have downs but am praying for many more ups.  =)

In the past, I would have said, "Wish me luck!", but I realize it's not "luck" that I need.  Right now I will ask, "Please wish me strength to persevere in changing my life for the better!"